


every day i add another stone

by earlymorningechoes



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Tag, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Mentions of Canonical Character Death, Ripple Effect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-02
Updated: 2012-10-02
Packaged: 2017-11-15 11:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/526873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlymorningechoes/pseuds/earlymorningechoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After meeting the doubles from Ripple Effect, Janet's alternate most of all, Cameron isn't sure how it's going to affect his relationship with Daniel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	every day i add another stone

     Cameron slammed the door as he entered his house, not waiting for Daniel to come in after him and scowling when the door opened and shut quietly as the other man followed. The ride from the base had been unusually silent, allowing far too much time for Cam to stew in his anger over the events of the past few days.

     Obviously the others had seen alternate reality versions of themselves before, and sometimes alternate reality versions of people who were dead in their own reality. But Cam hadn’t been part of the SGC when Daniel found the quantum mirror, or when the Sam who’d been married to Jack had come through to save her world.

     This time it was different.

     This time Cam had had to watch Daniel see Janet, Janet Fraiser, the woman who was constantly in the back of everyone’s minds but Cam had conveniently forgotten that first time he kissed Daniel. Her presence in the SGC, even an alternate version of herself with a different past and a different present and a different future, had been enough to shake Daniel to the core.

     The moment when she’d been about to leave, when she’d hugged Daniel goodbye, kept flashing through Cam’s memory. He rubbed his fists into his eyes, trying to make the image disappear, but it stuck as if with superglue.

     Slamming cabinet doors as he rummaged through the kitchen for something to eat, Cam eventually found himself flopped down on the living room couch, listening to Daniel moving around in their shared bedroom above him. _Well,_ he thought, _I guess I’m staying down here tonight._ But a shout from the second floor startled him.

     “I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight,” came Daniel’s all-too-familiar voice, the resignation evident in its tone and cadence.

     Expecting himself to feel vindicated for the moment, Cam headed for the stairs to get ready for bed, but stopped about halfway there – sleeping alone was bad enough, but sleeping alone in the room he was supposed to be sharing with Daniel would be a thousand times worse. Turning back around, he pulled the throw blanket from the back of the couch, stepped out of his jeans, and flicked off the light, settling down on the couch that was at least a foot shorter than his six-foot frame.

     Eyes wide open, he stared into the darkness, willing himself not to cry. He’d always known that he’d gotten incredibly lucky with Daniel, with finding someone who was willing to deal with the stupid rules set out to ruin their relationship. He’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop since they’d started whatever they were, but he’d finally been able to push the dread away from his conscious mind.

     Until that first team had come through, and let the many other teams come through, and Janet Fraiser 2.0 had appeared in his life. Their lives.

 -------------

     Upstairs, Daniel hadn’t been able to keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks. Two years ago, when Janet had died…he had no idea how he’d been able to keep going. There had been good moments in the past few years, but they were all tempered by the knowledge that he would never again talk to Janet, never again feel the weight of her delicate-yet-strong hand inside of his.

     He’d been head over heels in love with her, had felt like a giddy teenager with his first crush. He’d have gone to the ends of the universe for her (and very well may have had to), and had been just about ready to ask her to marry him, despite both their previous failures at the institution of marriage.

     And then that fateful mission, that errant staff blast, and he’d found himself alone in the world again. He and Cassie had been getting to know one another better before, and suddenly she wanted nothing to do with him. He’d suddenly lost all the things that had come to give his life meaning again, and he’d had to start all over for a third time. Death seemed to follow him – and not just his own.

     When Cameron had suddenly shown up at the SGC, pissed that he hadn’t been told SG-1 was breaking up and going their own ways, Daniel hadn’t realized that he felt anything more than the admiration due his new team leader. His _male_ team leader. But life had a way of throwing Daniel curve balls, and this was no exception.

     Life had chosen a pretty sucky curve to add to this particular ball, however. Just when he’d been starting to open up again, to poke at the brick walls he’d built around his heart after yet another death shattered it, this alternate Janet had come through, beautiful and familiar as ever and unfamiliar in the most surprising ways. And the walls had shattered – for about three days. As soon as she left, taking a chunk out of his heart again even though he’d always know she would go back to her own world as soon as they’d figured out how to let her, the walls had flown up stronger than before.

     He wasn’t sure he’d have any heart left to give anymore, after.

 -------------

     The next morning wasn’t much better. Because they had to drive two cars in, try as well as they could on base to stay away from more than team-leader-and-member interactions, breakfast together had taken on a special meaning. But on this particular morning, Daniel had already come and gone, taking a bowl of oatmeal back upstairs to the guest room. Cameron banged around the small kitchen, wishing for the daily annoyances that came from two tall men attempting to get ready at the same time.

     Finally sitting back down on the living room couch, banana and coffee mug in hand, Cam ate in silence, looking up only once when he saw Daniel’s feet come around the back of the couch and head for the front door. Their eyes met, just briefly, before Daniel pulled open the door and stepped out into a day that seemed far too sunny for Cam’s dark mood, despite the snow on the ground.

     Far too restless to stay in the house after Daniel had gone, even though he had time to kill before it was pressing to even get to base two hours early, Cam pulled on his coat and struck out for the sidewalk, intending to blow off some steam with a walk around the block. He could see a few cars entering and leaving the high school parking lot on the next block, so he went in the opposite direction, hands shoved deep into pockets and collar turned up to give some semblance of protection to his ears. The giddy, early-morning voices of teenagers followed him, a cadence to which he matched his footsteps. One, two, three, four, he counted, trying to force himself not to think.

     The thought made him smile for a moment – Daniel was keen on making jokes about being the one doing the thinking in their relationship. But his face fell again as he remembered why he’d chosen to go walking through their snow-covered neighborhood so early. Sighing, he turned back for the house, driving on autopilot to the base. Pointedly ignoring the well-worn path to Daniel’s office, he headed for the men’s locker room, intent on going for a run around the all-too-short track in the SGC gym. Maybe the exercise could calm his thoughts a bit.

 -------------

     Holed up in his office, artifact in front of him and magnifying glass in hand, Daniel found himself unable to concentrate in the worst way. A knock at the door startled him out of his memories, and he looked up into Sam’s familiar blue eyes.

     “How are…things?” she asked slowly. Currently the only person on base to know about whatever was going on between him and Cameron, and one of the few who had known for sure about his relationship with Janet, Sam was his best friend and could read him like an open book.

     “Not too great,” he mumbled, setting down the magnifying glass and rubbing his eyes. Sam perched on the edge of his worktable, her expression soft and open as she waited for him to speak.

     “It was like a wallop to the face, when I saw her sitting there,” he began, and she reached out to rest her hand on his forearm, giving him a comforting lifeline. It almost brought the tears back down his cheeks, but blinking furiously, he fiddled with the corners of an open book.

     “I don’t know what to say to him,” he added slowly, at a very uncommon loss for words. Sam gave him a sad smile, not knowing how to ease the pain so evident in his ice-blue eyes.

 -------------

     Dropping onto a bench on the side of the track, Cam buried his face in his hands. He’d never felt this conflicted about a relationship – or just another person – before. Granted, this was the first serious (or somewhat-serious) relationship he’d had in a very long while, and he may have just completely screwed it up with his jealousy. Running hadn’t helped any, the monotony of running along the track allowing his mind to wander all too freely.

     He’d never been so scared to confront someone before. When a relationship started to flounder, he was the one to bring it up, the one to tell if it was worth saving or not.

     He didn’t know what he’d do if Daniel didn’t think their relationship was worth saving.

\------------- 

     After Sam had left, her attempts at comforting words mostly eliciting sad smiles from the archaeologist, Daniel had tried to go back to his work with the artifact. But his head shot up sharply as a familiar knock echoed through the small room.

     “Mitchell?” he asked, proprietary distance automatic while on base. His smooth transition back to team-member-only status couldn’t conceal the conflicting emotions rushing through the sound of the short name.

     “Jackson,” responded Cameron, his voice strained as well. He slid slowly onto his customary stool, knowing they couldn’t talk while on base, but wanting to be as near to Daniel as he could, even though he wasn’t sure he wasn’t going to burst out angrily.

     As he sat silently, pretending to be fixated upon the stack of books in front of him, a folded slip of paper dropped into his lap. Unfolding it, he read the note written in Daniel’s scrawling hand: _We need to talk. Tonight._

     Hands shaking, he looked up at Daniel briefly and nodded, not sure what his voice would do if he spoke again. The other man nodded back wordlessly, returning to his artifact but not asking Cam to leave.

     This was normal, for them – each lost in his own head, but together. And at the moment, that was all they were going to be able to give.

 -------------

     Cam left before Daniel that night, for the first time in a long time not waiting until they were both ready to go. Once home, he rummaged through the fridge for something – anything – to cook that could take his mind off the impending talk. Eventually discovering chicken breasts that still appeared decent, he stuck them in the oven and set about fixing a quick mock-up of his mother’s seven-layer salad. Just as the timer dinged on the chicken, he heard the telltale stick of Daniel’s not-quite-right key in the lock on the front door.

     “In the kitchen!” he shouted when he heard the stamping of booted feet on the door mat, thinking for a moment on how normal that sounded and hoping it wasn’t the last time he would say it.

     Daniel appeared in the kitchen doorway, and Cam’s heart skipped a beat as he looked up. Daniel wasn’t wearing anything special – mussed hair, battered old hoodie, jeans, and stocking feet – but Cam’s heart dropped at the thought of never seeing that image enter his house so casually ever again.

     “Hi,” they spoke at the same time, something that would usually garner a round of laughter but this night brought only the slightest of smiles. Without another word spoken, Cam dished out the chicken and Daniel the salad, working together smoothly. As they handed one another the finished plates and settled down at the table, Cam fought once more to hold back tears – he couldn’t bear to lose this.

     Both men began to eat in silence, the only sounds those of forks against plates. When Daniel cleared his throat, loud as a cannon shot in the tiny room, Cam’s head shot up.

     “I’m sorry,” he said, not knowing at all how he was going to explain the thoughts in his head but just needing to get the words out before he wasn’t able to.

     Daniel nodded. “Me too,” he stated, then paused for a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing.

     “You didn’t know me, not when Janet was here,” he told Cam, who shook his head in agreement. “She and I were friends from the very beginning, and it just was exactly what we both needed, no matter how hard we denied it. We were never sure where we were going, especially since we’d both been married before, and she had Cassie…but we just kind of stuck with it, and with each other. She went through everything for all of us, and she never made a peep. I was so in love with her for longer than I could even admit to myself for a while. And then…she was just gone.” A tear rolled down his cheek, followed quickly by another before he could grab a tissue from the box on the counter. Cam reached out, fingers shaking slightly as he watched Daniel’s pain, and laid his hand on Daniel’s forearm, just as Sam had earlier in the day. One corner of Daniel’s mouth quirked slightly, but he didn’t raise his eyes from where they’d rested as he spoke.

     “I’ve lost so much, Cameron, I don’t know how much more of me there is,” he said, voice soft. Cam looked up and gazed at Daniel with eyes gleaming with tears, still trying desperately to keep them from sliding down his cheeks.

     Both men sat wordlessly for a few more minutes, each in his own thoughts. Eventually Daniel look up and met Cam’s eyes, the latter taking a deep breath to start talking again. But as he did so, the words he’d wanted to say seemed completely inappropriate for the moment, and even though he knew the idea was completely cheesy, he rose from his chair and pulled Daniel up too.

     “I love you,” he stated directly, wrapping his arms around Daniel’s waist as the other man stumbled forward. “No strings attached,” he added, silencing the protest that had begun to form in the base of Daniel’s brain.

     Settling into the hug, Daniel wrapped his own arms around Cameron’s neck and whispered, “Thanks.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song 'Hello My Old Heart' by the band The Oh Hello's.


End file.
